Cupbearer to the King

"Cupbearer to the King"

by: Dex Walker
In this one act- one man play, a man from New Jersey finds himself thinking on things, and the reader may or may not come to any conclusions about his life at all.
            I think I might drink too much, you know, like maybe I should stop off of it a little bit.  I haven’t thought this through all the way though.  I mean, I’ve thought about it- I just haven’t reached a decision on it yet.  Like, if I have a problem with drinking, or If I just have a lot of fun with it.  And I’m not stubborn or nothing, I just don’t want to stop something just because a certain people say openly that they think I should.  Just like those preaching types saying to me that a man should take his best girl, marry her, and that’s that.  My buddy Ralphy tells a joke about that and says that only the boys that have never gotten with more than one girl think about things like that. 
I saw a commercial the other day were a man in one of those expensive Barney’s type suits gets rolled.  We see the guy stumble around and all, real pathetic-ville stuff.  Finally gets away and halfway falls into this worn out bench.  He looks at the cameral in a real hard faced way, and he says, “If you think you have a problem with drinking- you do.”  I laughed so hard I about shit myself.  I wished I had called in on that hotline and said something like, “Hey Doc, how’s about when I find myself getting fucking rolled and stumbling around the mother fucking south side with my dick hanging out like some fag schmuck- then I’ll call you and talk about my problems!”  I hate it when people try and get into your mind and all that.
I wonder if that man was even a real alcoholic?  I really doubt it.  The government probably paid some big-shot Hollywood actor 10,000 tax dollars and gave him a real nice hotel room for the weekend while he shot the 30 second slop ad.  Maybe he is truly an alcoholic that just happens to be an actor and that’s why he played the pathetic-ville part so real like.  Hell, maybe he was blitzed while shooting the scene.  Maybe he wasn’t a professional actor at all.  If I knew somebody in the pictures I’d probably do something like that myself.  Swear to God, I have had people walk up to me in the middle of the God Damn street to ask if I’ve been in any of the movies!  They say straight out that I got one of those  Hollywood kindsa faces.  I could do it too!  And I wouldn’t charge no 10,000 dollars neither, but if it has to be going to someone would agree to take that much money just so I could give it to my daughter- you know, to pay for her college and all that.  She would be blown the fuck away, seeing her dad on TV and all.
6+17 is 23.  Six for the years since I’ve seen her and then she was 17.  How long are most kids in college anyways?  She might very well just be off doing something else by now.  Sheesh, she isn’t even studying anymore and I don’t even know what she’s off doing next.  I bet it’s something spectacular.
If I ever went to Vegas I’d go and see a side street show off of Fresno called, “Spectacular, Spectacular!”  Hell, if I ever come into a little dough maybe I’ll take Mindy there with me.  Let her see the big lights and all that.  Let her see her dad spending some dough and in a good looking suit and all.  Show her I’m doing good and got money and am taking good care of myself.  I remember for a while when she was coming and seeing me, that no good bitch of a mother had been telling her I couldn’t keep coming around or keep a job because my lips couldn’t leave the bottle.  And every time she came over and saw a bottle or something she would get all quiet all the sudden.  So what’d I do?  I got cleaned up, shaved my face, and waited for her outside her school.  I took her on the trolly all the way to the docks and asked her all sorts of questions about school and boys and everything like that.  And then when we to the end of the tracks we stopped in at Evan’s to get a drink and I called the bartender over ordered us two Shirley temples, instead of getting myself even one beam and seven like a man ought to be able to, and right off could see her face relax and she looked so damn proud I coulda died right there a happy man.  “See”, I told myself, “Who does that bitch think she is calling me a boozer.” 
But anyways like I was saying, I saw this bit on channel 3 the other night.  “Spectacular, Spectacular!”  It takes place in olden times when kings and knights used to be around, and all these guys go battling around and leave all their really foxy women in order to show the king how loyal they are and all.  Then at the end all of them are dead except this one guy named Simeon, and even after all that fighting and clawing his way to the top he isn’t even made the boss.  He is made best helper to the boss, Cupbearer to the King and whatnot.  Which I guess is super duper if you are in that time and place and stuff, but that’s just nuts to me.  Believe me, I aint fighting through life just to be somebody’s nobody.  No sir, I’ll stay right here and be me.